Iris
by Carelle
Summary: Syaoran angst fic. That's all there is to it.


First and foremost, this is a Syaoran angst fic, so…lots of self-moping! 

Disclaimer: CCS is MINE!!!  *gets hit by CLAMP ladies* Alright, alright, ** ***sobs***  **I don't own Cardcaptor Sakura! The song _Iris_ is respectfully owned by Goo Goo Dolls.

IRIS 

_And I'd give up forever to touch you_

_Cause I know that you feel me somehow..._

                The sky was dark that afternoon. A slight chill came up my spine as I walked on the dewy foliage. My cold and numb hands found their way in to my pockets. Staying there for warmth. A cold gust of wind blew into my face, ruffling few messy strands of out of my view. Wind. Gentle yet so desolate in nature. 

                This day should've been special for me if not for her. If not for my utter stupidity. This day, my birthday should've been special.

                Nevertheless...

                Crisp leaves being slowly crushed resounded in my ear. Several tall grasses grew here and there. Few sakura petals floating down the ground. Completing the sickeningly sad atmosphere. Sakura...

_You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be_

_And I don't want to go home right now..._

                Its been quite a while since I was with her. A certain auburn haired girl. Clear emerald eyes shining with innocence and contentment.

                Yes, she has been my life. My sweet cherry blossom. No one can come up to her place. Everyone thought that we were meant to be. We thought so too...

                But now...

_And all I can taste is this moment_

_And all I can breathe is your life..._

                Pathetic. Yes, that's what I think of myself now. The perfect word that would describe my damned self. A helpless, idiotic moron who's so helpless without her. Can't live a proper life without her presence. Without seeing those emerald eyes brimming with happiness. Without being with her...

                Nobody knew how I tried so hard to accept what had happened. I tried and tried...And failed each time. I know I have to piece my life back together. For I know she wouldn't be happy if she sees me like this. Seeing my whole life crumble into nothing...

                Then again, I ask myself. What for? Not after everything that has happened.

_Cause sooner or later it's over_

_I just don't want to miss you tonight..._

                The scenes that sunny afternoon sped back into my memory before I had the chance to drive it away. So that it would not cause me such unbearable pain...

                But it was too late. 

                I found myself standing face to face with a cold, unmoving stone. This is now her new place. Her grave.

_And I don't want the world to see me_

_Cause I don't think that they'd understand..._

                The scenes played like a slow motioned film. Capturing every scene. Portraying it right before my very eyes. 

                There was a girl walking energetically towards my direction. I'm in for another day with her. Nothing could be more beautiful than this day. There she was smiling at me as she came closer, crossing the pedestrian lane.

                Nothing could go wrong. Not on this day.

                Or so I thought.

                A speeding truck suddenly came into view. My eyes instantly widened. I screamed her name. Telling her get out of there now. She questioned me. 

                'Doushite, Syao--'

_When everything's made to be broken_

_I just want you to know who I am..._

                It was too late for her. As she looked to her left, the truck was only a few feet away from her. She didn't even had the chance to scream. It all happened to fast. In a blink of an eye, she's gone.

                There right before me, she lost in an instant her life. 

                Blood. 

                The whole pavement has tiny specks of blood in it. Her blood.

                I walked unsteadily to her. Her limp body was lying on the ground. Crimson liquid staining her immaculate dress. Her own blood pooling under her.

                'Sakura...'

                With the last ounce of her strength, she looked at me and smiled.

                'Syaoran-kun...'

                No...this can't be happening. Not now!

                She placed her pale hand on my cheek. Still smiling at me.

                'Happy Birthday...Syaoran...'

                I cradled her body into mine. Not minding the few people that had gathered around just now. A few of them gasping in surprise. A few screaming at me to take her to the hospital. But even she knew that this was it. The time has come...

_And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming_

_Or the moment of truth in your lies..._

                And there she died right into my arms.

                I couldn't scream. Couldn't release the anguish that I'm feeling. All the pain. All the sufferings... I just held her. Held her so tight that her body might crush any moment.

                More memories rushed into my mind as I continued staring into her grave. Her name so carefully etched on that piece of stone.

                The silence around me kept shouting the longing in my heart. Bringing back much pain in the process. Pain that I tried so hard suppressing all these time. 

                Its so useless. Living this drained life. Trying so hard not to feel the pain. Trying to forget that I've lost what's most precious to me. Forcing myself to go on. Making myself believe that it was for my own good.

                 I was often lured into remembering the days I spent with her. All the fun and pain.

                No matter how hard I try, I couldn't find a way to leave all those memories behind as part of the

past. How could I? I still can't accept the fact that she'd already left me. 

                Now, all I can do is live by the memories we had and wait patiently until we meet again. Someday...

                God, what I wouldn't give just to hear her voice again...

_When everything feels like the movies_

_Yeah, you'd bleed just to know you're alive..._

                I've spent enough time blaming and cursing myself for what happened to her. If I had just moved in and pushed her aside, that wouldn't have happened. I would've suffered instead of her. I would've died instead of her. 

                But no.

                That time, my feet was firmly planted into the ground. I don't know why. Why, of all times, I didn't let my body reflex take action. It was just too damn wrong.

                I gave myself a bitter laugh. Why bother cursing yourself? You know that wouldn't bring her back to life!

                Yeah. Who am I kidding?

                With her, I was truly happy. Everything is perfect. But that happiness vanished in blink of an eye. Just like that.

                Now, I'm trying to find solace in this solitude within me. Willing myself to think that she was with me. Trying so hard to feel her warmth. Like an insane moron who's expecting to wake up from a nightmare.

_And I don't want the world to see me_

_Cuz I don't think that they'd understand_...

                Then there it was. The familiar warmth, wrapping me by my shoulders. Whispering into my ears, 'Stop. It's alright. Stop doing this to yourself. It's not your fault.'

                Heh, maybe I'm insane after all. I shouldn't fell her warmth. I shouldn't hear her voice! I mustn't...

                For the first time since she passed away. I let my tears flow out.

                Tears flowed continuously into my cheeks. Through my clouding vision I saw her smiling at me. A smile so genuine and serene, it could make one be at peace.

                But not me.

                Slowly, my knees gave away, my tears started falling one by one into the marble slab. I couldn't hold back any longer. Too much grief and pain shook me. My whole body is trembling as I sobbed continuously. My forehead touched the cold surface of the slab. There, my tears still wouldn't stop.

                I wanted her back into my arms. My Sakura. I wanted to see her smiling again. Smiling for me. I wanted to hear her laugh. Wanted to hold her and say "Stay...please stay..."

                But as I looked up, a single sakura petal fell right into my palm. And all I could do is whisper "I'm sorry..."

When everything's made to be broken 

_I just want you to know who I am..._

-OWARI-

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